


Sylvain Gautier: Dungeon Master

by EverSquirrely



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Academy Era, Blue Lions are bad at Fun, Characters Play Dungeons & Dragons, Gaming, Gen, Silly, What is this "Fun" you speak of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverSquirrely/pseuds/EverSquirrely
Summary: After learning about this complicated yet theatrical role playing game from Claude, how could Sylvain resist? Claude recommended six people - Sylvain's childhood friends aren't enough, the Blue Lions are technically too many, but you know what? Sylvain can handle them.That is, until he can't.I present the first session with a bunch of confused Blue Lions!
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Sylvain Gautier: Dungeon Master

Sylvain smirked as he approached the Blue Lions. His classmates lined each side of a library table, faces filled with curiosity, annoyance, or both.

Sylvain cracked his knuckles. Game time.

With a flourish, Sylvain removed parchment upon parchment from his satchel. No word of explanation as he filled the center of the table with dice of many sizes. So very many dice of so very many sizes..

“So what’s the big surprise Sylvain?” Annette assessed all the items curiously. “We’re all dying to know!”

“Well, gather around,  _ adventurers. _ ” Sylvain swept his hands over the table with a smile. “Because I’m about to take you on a journey-”

“We’re going somewhere?” Dimitri interrupted

Man. A guy couldn’t get a good aura of mystery going around here. “No,” Sylvain sighed. “We’re not going anywhere.” He slammed a reference tome on the table, dice jittering. “This is just a fun role-playing game Claude told me about.”

Felix immediately narrowed his eyes. “A... ‘role playing’ game?” he asked.

“Yes!” Sylvain replied brightly, ignoring Felix’s contrarian eyebrow. “So each of us will have an awesome fantasy character with cool powers-”

Felix’s voice cut through. “This isn’t a sex cult is it?”

Dimitri’s cheeks warmed. “I do not want to participate in a sex cult,” he stammered.

“It’s not… it’s not a sex cult.” Sylvain rolled his eyes. What even was a sex cult? Why would it be in a  _ library? _ “Felix, you would be the last person I would invite to the sex cult.”

Dimitri’s eyes widened. “Beg pardon, but does that mean I’m higher on the list than Felix?”

Dedue raised a hand, voice matter-of-fact. “I would prefer to be removed from the list altogether.”

Others murmured agreement on having their names removed from the non-existent sex cult roster.

“There is no  _ list _ -” Sylvain hissed, rubbing his forehead. “Okay. I’m starting again.” Sylvain propped up a screen Claude had lent him. Ignatz had drawn dragons and warriors with mighty swords on it. It served as a shield to prevent the players from seeing Sylvain’s dice. “The game is called ‘Dungeons and Dragons.’ Each of you will play a  _ character _ who is an  _ adventurer _ , and we explore dungeons for loot and glory.”

Dimitri raised his hand. “A question, please.”

Oh Goddess, please don’t be about the non-existant sex cult again. “Yes, your Highness?”

“Why are we invading dungeons?” Dimitri shook his head. “Presumably everyone in the dungeon has been appropriately tried and found guilty. Any valuables would have been confiscated for them to serve their just sentence.”

Sylvain gaped at Dimitri, stunned stupid.

Dimitri waited expectantly, hands folded properly on the table.

“Okay,” drawing in a slow breath, Sylvain clarified, “So think of it as mysterious places filled with monsters and treasure. Not like, an active dungeon full of criminals.”

Ashe glanced between them. “That sounds a lot like our monthly assignment.”

Dimitri brightened. “Oh I see! This is an opportunity to practice tactical thinking in safety.”

“Yes!” Sylvain stuck his thumb up with a wink. “That is absolutely a good enough reason to play!”

Thank the Goddess that was over with. Sylvain could pass out everyone’s character sheets. “These are your characters! I took the liberty of making them in advance since it’s our first time.”

“I’m a bard!” Annette squeaked. “Does that mean I get to sing?”

“Sure! So long as none of the fun-haters mind.” Sylvain elbowed Felix roughly.

Felix turned suspiciously crimson when he stammered, “I don’t mind, of course I don’t mind.”

“Oh, I’m a Cleric!” Mercedes smiled warmly at her sheet. “Thank you so much. It will be a pleasure to help people.”

Sylvain smiled warmly. “I thought you might enjoy that.”

Mercedes looked closer at her sheet, and smiled broader than Sylvain had ever seen. “And I can defend myself by summoning a skeletal ghost hand with a chilling touch?”

Truthfully, Sylvain had guessed Mercedes would like that too.

Ashe swallowed. “G-ghost… hand?”

Mercedes’s voice remained soft and mysterious as she reached out to Ashe. “To slowly drive my enemies to madness with just a single touch of my spectral finger!”  
Ashe jolted away before Mercedes could touch him. “Yikes-!”

“Don’t worry,” Sylvain interrupted. “That’s for her to use on the bad guys, not you.”

Ashe did not seem comforted. Still, he dropped it and scanned his own sheet closely. Instead, he cleared his throat sheepishly. “Am, I, uh, am I an elf because I’m short?”

“Huh?” Sylvain stretched his shoulders. “No, elves are tall in this world. It was just that they were good stats for someone who uses a bow and arrow.”

“Oh!” Ashe relaxed. “Perfect!”

Okay, Sylvain had won three over. Of course, they weren’t the three he had been worried about. The others still seemed suspiciously silent, and Dedue’s brow furrowed intently.

“What’s up, Dedue?” Sylvain asked.

Dedue hesitated. “I beg your pardon, but…” A furious red covered his cheeks. “Mine says I am a “half orc Barbarian?”

Yeah, made-up magical races might beg some explanation, Sylvain reasoned. “Well, a half-orc is half human and half monster. So they’re huge and burly and extremely strong, like you! And a Barbarian is a class that specializes in melee combat, like you with your axe.”

Dedue’s brow furrowed. “Is that really how you see me? As… a half monster… Barbarian?”

Sylvain blushed. “What? NO! No no no,” Frantically, Sylvain dug in his bag. Fortunately he had made a couple extras, just in case. “I’m an idiot. Here, you can be a halfling Rogue!”

Dedue’s expression remained set as stone. “A halfling rogue…. Assassin?”

Well, Sylvain was the worst kind of idiot. He shuffled through the remaining parchments desperately. “Here, you can be a Dragonborn Druid! They love nature, and dragons are wise and powerful in this world.”

Dedue nodded, slowly at first, then faster. “Thank you.”

Again, Dimitri raised his hand as though he were a child in primary school. “Pardon me, question.”

Here we go again. “Yes?” Sylvain sighed.

“It says here I am a ‘Paladin,’” Dimitri squinted at the sheet.

Truthfully, Sylvain had thought that would be the easiest sell in the group.“...I thought that seemed appropriate.”

“But I have not yet completed my certification for Paladin.” Dimitri’s brow furrowed in concern. “Am I still qualified to play?”

Before Sylvain could turn his bafflement into an explanation that, no, these were not like the certifications they did for the Professor, and no, there were no “qualifications” to play, Ingrid piled on. “And why am I a Warlock?” Ingrid waved a hand to Annette. “Shouldn’t Annette be the Warlock? She’s already a Warlock.”

“Oh, yeah, that is true!” Annette forced a smile.

As though Sylvain would make Annette give up the bard. Annette’s soul just withered right before his eyes. “Both warlocks and bards are magic classes, and I figured our group could use more magic.”

“Am I going to have to learn magic for this game?” Ingrid asked, frowning.

“No, not at all,” Sylvain pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can just say which spell you’re casting and roll some dice, that’s it.”

“Are they magic summoning dice?” Mercedes asked.

“No, it’s just-” Sylvain forced calm into his voice. “It’s make-believe. Like telling a story! Anyone could play a warlock in this game, they wouldn’t need to learn magic for it. And anyone could play a Paladin, even if they hadn’t passed certifications.”

Ingrid still frowned. Sylvain quickly snatched the sheet, and muttered, “Have the half-orc Barbarian. You can make it your own.” Ingrid fortunately was too stunned to object, so Sylvain could reclaim his position at the front of the table. “OKAY, okay,” Sylvain pawed at his hair in frustration. “Anyone else?” Accusingly, he looked at Felix. “I’m sure you hate everything about your character.”

Felix shrugged indifferently. “I am satisfied.”

Thank the Goddess.

“What are you?” Dimitri leaned over to see Felix’s sheet.

“A monk,” Felix replied.

Dimitri furrowed his brow. “You’re hardly devout.”

Felix scowled back. “Well, according to the page, I am fast, quiet, and I wield my fists and swords.” With a half smile, he added, “I can sneak around punching people, then heal myself with the power of my mind.”

“Not exactly, but close enough!” Sylvain replied with a grin. Sylvain slammed the book open, enjoying how the authoritative sound grabbed the group’s attention. “Now,  _ adventurers… _ ” Sylvain wiggled his fingers mysteriously. “Let us begin!”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have the patience to design out a campaign to continue this, but I hope you enjoyed this bit of silliness!!


End file.
